The Main Things

    One day while I was standing in front of the generic brand products in our supermarket, deliberating whether to buy their toothpaste or to continue to rely on Colgate, I saw the Lord Himself.  He was over at the delicatessen ordering potato salad.  
    I ran right up to him and asked the question that was burning in my heart.  "Good Master," I said, "What must I do to inherit eternal life?"
    "Well, loving God and loving your neighbor are the main things," he answered.
    "Yes," I persisted, "so I have tried to do.  But who is my neighbor?"
    "Your neighbor," he said, with a piercing look, "Is Menandez Felicidad from Nicaragua."
    "Yes," I said, "I can handle that."
    "And your neighbor," he added, "Is Mbotubu Lombombo."
    "No problem," I said.
    "And Ivan Schnotsaliski," he went on.  
    "And Pierre Thibadault," he added, (seeing that I was from Maine).
    "Yes, I can handle that."
    "And Dick Cheney," he said finally.  
    And I went away very sorrowful for obvious reasons.